i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
