no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
