We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who died my cat blue again?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
