it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Screwed.edu
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
