as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
