Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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