I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't deserve a penis
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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