I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think people are normalizing furries
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