So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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