had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
