If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
