she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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