im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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