I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
