As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
