ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
