I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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