apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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