babies were throwing up all over the place
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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