so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there