How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
