He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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