Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
