This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
