The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
