Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
