let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
