just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
