I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
