You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
