his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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