not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
