Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
