Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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