i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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