i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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