who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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