Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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  (504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?

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  (321): Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting? http://tfl.nu/dyqe
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  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

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  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (24217) Bad night (7311)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.

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  (631): I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do. http://tfl.nu/h9wr
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets

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  (571): the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets http://tfl.nu/d1l9
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  (718): View more from New York

  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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  (718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok
  Replies (63) Good night (7443) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

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  (415): And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked. http://tfl.nu/8nhm
  Replies (45) Good night (5364) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

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  (815): I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night http://tfl.nu/p9mu
  Replies (5) Good night (1040) Bad night (2301) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall

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  (302): My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall http://tfl.nu/j51z
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1462) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?

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  (602): I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!? http://tfl.nu/p185
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (2108) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

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  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
  Replies (10) Good night (849) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

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  (703): See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians. http://tfl.nu/t1a5
  Replies (8) Good night (1738) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck

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  (720): Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck http://tfl.nu/51rp
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (1498) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.

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  (805): I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it. http://tfl.nu/mmaq
  Replies (0) Good night (391) Bad night (125) Order T-Shirt

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