there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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