the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize