In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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