I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
