Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
