WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
