THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
