i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
