Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
