I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
