OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
