just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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