i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
