he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
