I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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