Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
