party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
