This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
