I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
