i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize