apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
