did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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