She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
