I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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