I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
