I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
