i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
