Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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