I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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