I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
