brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
