Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I look better un-naked...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
