dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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