In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
