turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
