We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
