We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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