Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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