No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
