Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
