My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
