I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
