so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
